456. Today is the seventh anniversary of 9/11. We’re also less than a couple of months away from another American election. How many stupid, insensitive, jingoistic things do you think were said today in the hope of winning some votes? I’m looking at the Republicans on this one, but we all know they’re not the only ones who are prone to this sort of thing.

457. Another Canadian election? Isn’t this our fourth election in five years? Say what you will about the Americans and the pageantry surrounding their elections, but at least they know enough to do them regularly. And compared to us, they do them pretty rarely!

458. There was a newspaper editorial the other day that criticized the Canadian election for failing to be as big a spectacle as the American election. Well, good! What’s wrong with having a dignified election that doesn’t look like a paycheque for Jerry Bruckheimer?

459. Meanwhile, according to this month’s edition of Harper’s Index, the total number of minutes of network TV coverage of the war in Iraq between January and June of this year was three hundred. That’s five hours in six months! And it’s less than a quarter of the time devoted to coverage of the war during the same period the year before! But to be fair, in January of 2008, the election was only ten months away.

460. Some dude I know recently said that a vote for the NDP is really just a “symbolic” vote. But in my neighbourhood, if you vote for the NDP, then you vote to re-elect our Member of Parliament. I guess symbolism goes a long way sometimes.

461. It does kind of suck to know you’re voting for a party that doesn’t even have a hope of winning a minority government for years to come.

462. It sucks all the more to admit to yourself that you don’t actually want the leader of your party to become the Prime Minister, because you’d rather see him lead an opposition party. I’m sorry, but that’s what he’s good at.

463. At least we don’t have a two-party “winner take all” electoral system. What good does that really do anyone?

464. I guess I just told you who I’m voting for, didn’t I? I know people aren’t really supposed to talk about stuff like that. Are we still cool?

465. Would you feel better if we all talked about how much money we make? That’s the sort of thing that’s bound to go well and not be incredibly awkward.

466. Hey, you know what people really love? Jokes about Canadian politics. That’s why The Royal Canadian Air Farce is such a funny, funny show. Have you ever sat down to write a bunch of jokes and wound up hating yourself as much as I do right now?

467. I saw a guy on the street the other day who I was sure was Wayne Coyne from the Flaming Lips. But in the end, it turned out that it wasn’t him. Whoever he was, he really didn’t like being stared at.

468. I have no idea where my library card is.

469. I also just lost a notebook that I’d bought the day before.

470. What really bothers me is the way I beat myself up for doing things like that. I mean, it was only a notebook. I’m out about a dollar and half a page of notes. What’s the problem?

471. Oh, lord. The bartender’s telling the old man at the bar that he’s had enough. The old man’s clearly not happy about it. You can tell they both know each other, and it’s obvious the old man’s trying to make it personal. Man alive, this is awkward. Especially since it’s only four in the afternoon!

472. Earlier this week, a man was shot and dumped on the 401 from a moving car. I first heard about it from the morning show DJ on a classic rock radio station. “What are they going to charge the suspects with?” he asked. “Littering?” Oh, what a wacky world! Say, let’s all get together and beat the shit out of that DJ!

473. One of the prizes they were giving away on that particular morning show was a hundred and ten dollars worth of lottery tickets. What kind of stupid prize is that? I mean, you might as well give away a conversation about what it would be like to have sex with Jessica Alba. It may be fun to wonder what might happen, but deep down, you know that nothing will.

474. Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry, according to Young MC. Five days from now, Larry’s going to get married. If you’re able to attend his wedding, then you’ll get to be his best man. There are eight or nine things about that premise that don’t make any sense at all. If rap didn’t have to rhyme, then here’s how that story would have gone: “Your best friend’s brother is getting married in less than a week, and it doesn’t look like he’s chosen a best man yet. But he’d like you to do it, for some unknown reason, assuming you’re even going to be there. Oh, and somebody named their children Harry and Larry.”

475. Sometimes I wish Kanye West could learn to believe in himself.

This entry was posted by Matty on Thursday, September 11th, 2008 at 11:54 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.