1. The fact that Phil Hartman had to die.

2. The probability that some undergrad somewhere is currently putting the finishing touches on an essay about the sociological ramifications of Heath Ledger’s death and the related media circus.

3. The fact that I’m in no position to judge, because I’ve got a degree in communications.

4. The fact that my graduating class was the last to have the option of getting a degree in communications, because my university apparently decided that it was such a useless degree that they might as well not offer it anymore.

5. The fact that there are plenty of promising, intelligent people out there who can’t even afford to get the kind of education that people like me have the nerve to complain about.

6. Highlander II: The Quickening was a total waste of time.

7. Stupid tabloid nicknames for celebrity couples. If you’ve got time to buy and read a copy of In Touch, you’ve got time for the words “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie”.

8. The fact that there are people out there who want to know what Kevin Federline’s been up to lately, even though the whole reason he’s famous is because he’s a terrible husband, father and rapper.

9. I can’t figure out how to turn off the damned vibrating function on my phone.

10. The word “automatedly”. A few weeks ago, I heard some drunk at a pub shout “They’ve got machines now that can automatedly do that shit for you!” Really, dude? Automatedly?

11. People who brag about not owning a television set, as if the only other thing they could possibly be doing with their time is going to art galleries and reading great works of literature.

12. The picture on the crappy television set in my living room. It’s just so blurry and awful. I don’t even know why I bother watching it.

13. Body spray commercials that treat all women like whores who can’t control themselves whenever they’re around some dirtbag who smells like a cat that drowned in a rusty bucket of Old Spice and shame.

14. People who quote The Simpsons out of context (eg. shouting “Inflammable means flammable?” in a lame attempt to get a laugh, even though no one nearby was talking about anything that was either flammable or inflammable).

15. Cosplay. It just bothers me. Plus, the name makes me think about Cosby-related roleplaying, which is really disturbing.

16. The fact that women in Canada have a 39% chance of getting cancer at some point in their lives.

17. For Canadian men, the figure’s 45%. You can basically flip a coin when it comes to cancer.

18. YouTube “parodies” of existing comedy sketches. Nobody watched last week’s episode of Saturday Night Live and felt that the Digital Short was good, but that it would have been better if it had been done by two kids with a webcam. You know why? Because that’s not comedy. It’s just a couple of giggling morons in their basement with shoeboxes over their dinks.

19. The fact that there’s an entire genre of spoof movies that actually generate millions of dollars by doing nothing more than the above.

20. Larry the Cable Guy in general.

This entry was posted by Matty on Thursday, April 10th, 2008 at 9:36 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.