864. The ice cream man is back in town with his big loud truck and his massive PA system that plays that song with the little bells that you can’t get out of your head for hours after you hear it.

865. There will never be an ice cream man who tears through the neighbourhood doing hairpin turns and blasting “Rock You Like a Hurricane” at top volume, even though that would pretty much be the best thing ever.

866. If it ever does happen, then I’ll pretty much have to sue, because I’ve just proven that I had the idea first and that’s the way we handle things in this stupid litigious society of ours.

867. Not knowing whether a record should be spun at 33 RPM or 45 RPM. I’ve got all these weird electronic records, and for all I know, I’ve been playing them all at the wrong RPM all along.

868. 78 RPM. I mean, calm down, right?

869. Intelligent Dance Music. What a pompous name for a genre.

870. Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music. I dare you to get through the whole thing in one sitting.

871. You’d better not try it with the vinyl version, though, because I heard the last disc has a lock groove. So basically it never, ever ends.

872. The sneaking suspicion that Lou Reed’s Metal Machine Music might be one of the best albums ever made.

873. Did you know that Grimace used to be an evil monster? Go ahead and look it up. What’s that about?

874. There was a guy on the patio the other day just sneezing at the top of his lungs. Like, he wasn’t holding back at all. It was like he wanted to make sure that everyone knew he was sneezing. It was so loud that a guy driving a steamroller in a road crew thirty feet away gave him dirty looks for making so much noise.

875. He had one of those shirts with the little alligator logo on it too.

876. I saw a picture of a guy who got that alligator tattooed on his bare chest. Why would you want to commit to being that guy for the rest of your life?

877. Not being able to tell if the two people talking about work at the next table are colleagues or a couple. When you’re riding that line, you’re either in a really boring relationship or a sexual harrassment lawsuit waiting to happen.

878. I actually heard the guy use the words “the most bizarre moment of my professional life to date” in conversation. It felt like the entire patio should have turned around and shouted “How bizarre was it?” Or at least loosened his tie or something, you know?

879. When is this rain going to stop? If the saying that April showers bring May flowers is true, then this rain has until exactly midnight to stop. Otherwise, it’s just not fair.

880. Why do I only remember that I need to buy an umbrella when it’s pouring and I’m on my way to work without one? Wouldn’t it make more sense to remember to buy one when I’m walking by the umbrella store or wherever they sell umbrellas?

881. Come to think of it, why has the Hamburglar never been brought to justice? Is it because the sheer ubiquity of a McDonald’s ad campaign makes it impossible to build an impartial jury?